baptiste, hookworm teeth guy, half of his face is just teeth. and then he Ballsack Ballsack Ballsack Oh Man. guys got some teeth on his face. !8 A man walks down the street He says, "Why am I soft in the middle, now? Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard I need a photo-opportunity I want a shot at redemption Don't want to end up a cartoon In a cartoon graveyard" Bonedigger, Bonedigger Dogs in the moonlight Far away in my well-lit door Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly Get these mutts away from me You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al A man walks down the street He says, "Why am I short of attention? Got a short little span of attention And, whoa, my nights are so long Where's my wife and family? What if I die here? Who'll be my role model Now that my role model is gone, gone?" He ducked back down the alley With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl All along, along There were incidents and accidents There were hints and allegations If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al Call me Al A man walks down the street It's a street in a strange world Maybe it's the third world Maybe it's his first time around Doesn't speak the language He holds no currency He is a foreign man He is surrounded by the sound, the sound Cattle in the marketplace Scatterings and orphanages He looks around, around He sees angels in the architecture Spinning in infinity He says, "Amen and Hallelujah!" If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al Call me Na na na na, na na na na Na na na na, na na na-na na-na Na na na na, na-na na-na na na Na na na na, na na na na If you'll be my bodyguard I can call you Betty If you'll be my bodyguard I can call you Betty If you'll be my bodyguard Baptiste, also known as Hookworm, is a guy with some weird teeth on his face. They started to develop about six weeks after his birth, and they cannot be removed without fatally injuring him. He needs them teeth to survive. Also, the "gums" that cover the side of his face are extremely sensitive. Some jokingly call it his "second G-spot." It won't harm him if it's cut (it'll hurt like absolute shit, though) but if it's penetrated past 5 inches deep, he will die immediately. He's not some mythical creature, however, so nobody's gonna abuse that. Or will they? Hookworm is about 26 years old, lives with his lover Lobos in the waiting room of a car dealership, and sells organic toothpaste for a company known for brutally murdering children because they talked shit about their product. Hookworm is aware of this and doesn't care and urges his customers not to care as well. His personality has a wide range, but he is mostly known as a soft-spoken, foul-mouthed "thinker" who constantly drowns himself in gallons of nostalgia to cope with things not going his way. Despite being a spoiled brat most of the time, he loves putting on the facade of being "hard" and "knowing better" and "being mature." He always seems to be in a daze and nothing he says cannot be safe from being wrapped in 50 layers of irony and sneering. Has the same energy as those sarcasm shirts you see at retail. There's one side of him that's a non-stop funnel of nihilism, criticism, and hatred for the world because it's so unfaiiirrrr and meaaaaaan. The other side? Completely uncaring sellout that will step on other people to get by. Will justify anything he does with, "Hey, man, it's survival of the fittest--eat or be eaten!" The only person he seems to have any guise of empathy for is his "kind of" boyfriend, Dobos and he's constantly teasing him and trying to pick fights with him. Comes with the capitalist territory, but he's a liar who would rather die than stop lying. Is either the leech or the one getting leeched off of in his relationships. Most likely the first. Really likes no-wave music and will constantly talk about it like his life depends on it. And whenever he's talking about no-wave, he's this happy and bouncy kid who won't shut the fuck up. Secretly, deep down inside with the other shit he represses, he wishes he were normal. The only thing he actually cares about is staying alive and catching whatever specs of happiness he can, even if that means constantly jeopardizing others. He got the nickname Hookworm from himself, after hearing that one of his communist neighbors had a fetish for them at age 14. His family didn't give a shit about his gums or teeth. He was born with them, the doctor let them know, and they were like, "Oh." And they never acknowledged it again. Nobody even mentioned it in passing. Whenever people asked about it, their responses weren't all that thrilling or caring. In turn, Baptiste didn't care about it either. He just thought, "Oh, this shit's on my face," and went on with his life. Baptiste grew up in a small, largely unknown neighborhood that varied vastly from, "Wow, this house looks like a mansion," to "The ghetto. We're in the ghetto right now, aren't we." The crime wasn't rampant, but people were told to be wary about confrontations, burglaries, vandalism when living there. A lot of greenhouses were also placed near this area. Communism and anarchist capitalism constantly butted heads with each other. Baptiste grew up an ANCAP. Even though he still holds this label close to his heart, he literally knows nothing about it and doesn't seem to be planning on learning. He and his family grew and sold a flower that was known for creating a drug extremely similar to PCP, and business constantly flatlined and rose unexpectedly over 16 years until Hookworm's father tragically died of auto-erotic asphyxiation while bungee jumping in Cuba. The flower was never directly turned into PCP around the family, but it was known that the main people who bought the flower made the drug. They realized this fifteen years into their careers. When he was five years old, he constantly proved himself just like his father, sans the weird teeth on his face, he was constantly butting heads with the commies in the neighborhoods, constantly beating the shit out of them for even looking in his direction. Baptiste also had no interest in women but became addicted to porn at age 18. Baptiste obviously had some degree of intelligence, but outright refused to do any work in school and was also easily distracted. Hookworm and his mother had a very tight relationship and would drain water from man-made rivers with her until her death of Takis overdose when he was only 24. Hookworm and the rest of his family had no particular opinions of each other and would even forget that they grew up together. After graduating high school after cram-snabbing all of the required credits, one of his white friends wanted to form a band with him. He agreed. This band would be called, "The Piano Teacher," based on the 2001 film by some random guy who reads PDFs of Sigmund Freud books while jacking off to homemade porn. Their stuff sounded like really bad electronic music from the early 80s with horrible, incomprehensible vocals with really mundane lyrics. There were no piano pieces. Hookworm would play the machine drum. They disbanded after Pitchfork gave their album a 10 out of 10, because his friend had an "ego death,'' telling Baptise, "There's nowhere to go now. I have hit the absolute peak." The band wasn't well-known enough for Baptiste to start a solo career and/or create a kick started, so he started living at the car dealership. That's when he met Lobos. Oh, sorry, I meant like...dobos. Fuck sorry.